Spoiling Children: The Eight Myths

Spoiling Children: The Eight Myths

Spoiling Children Myth #1

You will spoil your baby if you handle her too much. You should let her
cry sometimes.

Reality: You can not spoil a baby. Babies need to be touched, squeezed,
coddled, and held. Babies cry because they are hungry, sick, wet, messy,
or desire attention. Pick up your baby and hold her. Do it as often as
you like.

Spoiling Children Myth #2

Kids should not grow up believing they can have anything they want.

Reality: It is desirable and an example of effective parenting to teach
children they can have anything they want. They may have to work for it
though. And they may not get it at this moment.

When you are shopping and your child asks, "Can I have one of those?"
respond with, "Sure, how are you going to pay for it?" or "What are you
willing to do to get it?" Ask, "How much money do you have?' or ""Do you
have a plan for getting it?"

Our job as parents is to help our children learn they can have whatever
they want if they are willing to work for it. During the process of
figuring out how to get whatever it is they desire, they may learn about
problem-solving, planning, setting priorities, and goal achievement.
They may even come to see themselves as being able to create what they
want in their own lives. That is about as far from being spoiled as you
can get. We call this phenomena self-responsibility.

Spoiling Children Myth #3

Spoiled children exist.

Reality: There is no such thing as a spoiled child. Spoiled is an
inference, a judgment that people make after noticing behaviors.

Spoiling Children Myth #4

Spoiled is a good descriptor of some children.

Reality: Spoiled is never an accurate descriptor of children. Spoiled
does not describe a behavior. It judges it.

Spoiling Children Myth #5

It's important to tell children when they are acting spoiled and call
them on it.

Reality: Labeling children spoiled or telling they are acting spoiled in
never a good parenting move. When you call a child spoiled what he
likely hears is not "spoiled." He is more likely to hear "spoiled
rotten." Do you want your child thinking of himself as spoiled rotten?

Spoiling Children Myth #7

Children who have an abundance of material things are likely to be
spoiled.

Not true.

Spoiling Children Myth #8

Spoiled children need to change

No, parents need to change. Parents need to change their attitudes about
spoiled children and see instead a child who is attempting to satisfy
his needs with an ineffective behavior. They need to change their own
behaviors and be willing to take the time to teach new behaviors to
their children. They need to be willing to confront, deal with conflict,
and take the time to do solution-seeking.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments:
Parenting with Purpose. They also publish a FREE email newsletter for
parents and another for educators. Subscribe to them when you visit,
www.chickmoorman.com or www.thomashaller.com. Chick Moorman and Thomas
Haller are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising
responsible, caring, confident children. For more information about how
they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their
websites today.

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